Changing behavior is hard.
One of the behaviors that is "below the line" is being on autopilot. This week my husband was annoyed that my daughter was wearing Crocs to go outside on a snowy day. She was just walking to the car because she was going to put her basketball shoes on when she got to practice. He said (in a loud voice), "Seriously! Put on different shoes. You can't wear Crocs in the snow!" I overheard this from the kitchen and immediately opened the door and said, "She can wear Crocs! Jeez! Stop yelling." Then I grabbed my keys and took her to practice. Later, Justin and I talked about this. He felt like I "over parented". And, I felt like he needed to press pause and speak to her without yelling. In fact, I told him that if he had just said, "Rosa, remember the last time you wore your Crocs to practice in the snow? Your socks got all wet and you were miserable! Can you wear different shoes?" I wouldn't have felt the need to interject. I thought I was being REALLY helpful telling him about this! But, Justin pointed out a few important things to me. He shared that sometimes I react in a similar way with our kids. He gave me several examples of times I have yelled and being instead of calmly explaining things to the kids, like I'd asked him to do. Darn it, he was right! So, I sucked up my pride and I said, "You know what, you're right! I do the same thing. I'm going to work on that." In reflecting I realized that I fall into autopilot frequently. And, even thought I say this all the time, I wasn't living it---I can only only control MY RESPONSE to events. What situations have happened to you lately in which you've fallen into autopilot? How could pressing pause have helped you change your outcome? Remember, we are all a work in progress. For me, it was very liberating to admit that I was wrong. In fact, admitting it was actually easier than attempting to defend myself. Who knew?!?!
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